Even when I say nothing, it’s a beautiful use of negative space.
Tag: humor
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El-P, “The Fire In Which You Burn,” from Company Flow’s Funcrusher Plus, 1997
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My limo driver’s white, my attorney black…
‘Show me some love’ like I’m Bernie Mac.Masta Ace, “Good Ol Love,” Long Hot Summer, 2004 -
Picture yourself crushin’ Xzibit with your tough talk?
That’s like Christopher Reeve doing the crip walk.Xzibit, “3 Card Molly,” 40 Days and 40 Nightz, 1998 -
Put your hands where I can see ‘em, so they look like 12 PM
On the dot, see this Glock? Don’t make me give these shells freedom.Elzhi, “Hands Up,” The Preface, 2008 -
You know that one auntie, you don’t wanna be rude,
…But every holiday, nobody eatin’ her food.Kanye West, “Family Business,” The College Dropout, 2004 -
Age ain’t nothing but a number, that’s what Chi-Ali said.
OK, then why don’t you get that through the judge’s head?Biz Markie, “Young Girl Bluez,” All Samples Cleared!, 1993 -
You can do all them push-ups to pump up your chest,
I got a 12 gauge Mossberg to pump up your chest,
Have you gasping for air after that shell hit your vest.
Fear me like you fear God, ‘cause I bring death.50 Cent, “We All Die One Day,” from Obie Trice’s Cheers, 2003 -
Little brats yellin ‘Trick or Treat’ all through my screen door,
When y’all should be at home sleep,
Instead of at my front porch 15 deep.
The jack o’ lantern came in handy…
I can turn my porch light out like I ain’t got no candy.
But ain’t that somethin?
You buy a Halloween costume and a pumpkin,
Almost gave your children a heart attack.
It’s a tradition, but who the hell started that?Kam, “Holiday Madness,” Neva Again, 1993 -
People say, ‘Grimm, you’ve been shot like 50.
So why don’t you just rhyme like 50?
Then, you could get the money like 50,
Otherwise, before you see success…you’ll be 50.’MF Grimm, “Boing,” American Hunger, 2006 -
Footballs, basketballs, microphones, gas and grass…
Just some of the few things that J-Ro likes to pass.J-Ro of Tha Alkaholiks, “Freestyle Ghetto,” from King Tee’s IV Life, 1995 -
The God’s tropical…ladies call me ‘Black Fruit Punch.’
Ghostface Killah, “Ice Water,” from Raekwon’s Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, 1995 -
I bumped into Loon, he like ‘Well, As Salaam-Alaikum.’
You know I ain’t Muslim, my nigga, I’m about my bacon!Ma$e, “Higher,” from Kanye West Presents G.O.O.D. Music: Cruel Summer, 20122012, cruel summer, east coast, Harlem, hip-hop, humor, kanye west, Loon, ma$e, new york, Rap Quote, Religion -
I scored 1.1 on my SAT,
And still push a whip with a right and left AC.Redman, “Blackout,” from Method Man and Redman’s Blackout!, 1999 -
You’re a trivial part in a trivia game.
Now what’s your aim? A presidential campaign?
Like Ross Perot? He lost it though…
But he got a billion in tha bank fo’ sho’!Aceyalone, “All Balls Don’t Bounce,” from All Balls Don’t Bounce, 1995 -
Now what Clan you know with lines this ill?
Bust shots at Big Ben, like we got time to kill.Method Man, “Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off),” from Wu-Tang Clan’s The W, 2000 -
You’s a nigga everybody diss, cause you can’t bust this,
You got a bad name like Dick Butkus.J-Ro, “The Next Level,” from Tha Alkaholiks’ Coast II Coast, 1995 -
Putting styles on lock, and making beats by the bundle,
Scooping more props than Bryant Gumbel…and staying humble.Pete Rock, “Escape,” from Pete Rock & CL Smooth’s The Main Ingredient, 1994 -
You’re mad cause my style you’re admiring…
Don’t be mad, UPS is hiring.The Notorious B.I.G., “Flava In Ya Ear (Remix),” 12", 1994 -
I don’t like thugs, I don’t like nerds,
I don’t like myself and I hate bein’ disturbed.Sean Price, “Critically Acclaimed,” from Statik Selektah’s 100 Proof (The Hangover), 2010 -
I want a girl with extensions in her hair,
Bamboo earrings, at least two pair,
A Fendi bag and a bad attitude,
That’s all I need to get me in a good mood.
She can walk with a switch and talk with street slang,
I love it when a woman ain’t scared to do her thing.LL Cool J, “Around the Way Girl,” Mama Said Knock You Out, 1990 -
Once in awhile, I’mma cheat and get dome,
But best believe that I’mma always come home.
Shorty, I luv you.Meyhem Lauren, “Let’s Hold Hands,” Respect The Fly Shit, 2012 -
Type to tote the glock and use gats…
You the type to vote Barack cause dude’s black.Sean P, “Grown Man Palettes,” from Meyhem Lauren’s Respect The Fly Shit, 2012 -
Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns,
As I crush so-called Willies, thugs, and rapper-dons.The Notorious B.I.G., “Kick in the Door,” Life After Death, 1997 -
Why’s my name the Large Professor?
Cause I milked your cow, in other words I hit your heifer.Large Professor, “Live at the Barbecue,” from Main Source’s Breaking Atoms, 1991 -
Scared of a bunch of water? Then get out the rain.
Order a rapper for lunch, and spit out the chain.MF Doom, “Sofa King,” from Danger Doom’s The Mouse and the Mask, 2005 -
And when I smiled, ‘Bing!’ I almost blinded her.
She said, ‘Great Scot, are you a thief?
Seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth!’
Hahahaha, had to find that funny,
So I said, ‘No child, I work hard for the money.
And calling me a thief? Please…don’t even try it,
Sit down, eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet.’Slick Rick, “Mona Lisa,” The Great Adventures of Slick Rick, 1988 -
I got a ill gift, I’m real swift
They be like, ‘Damn, he’s still rich.’
When I send my Men in Black,
Listen, none of them niggas named Will Smith.Cam’ron, “60 Rackz (Remix)”, 2012 -
I show more blind rage than Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles wrestling in a steel cage.
Chino XL, “Freestyle Rhymes,” Here to Save You All, 1996 -
I don’t like a girl that be hanging with a slut crew,
I can’t sport a female who’s crossed-eyed with a buck tooth.
I need a female I can sport when I’m outdoors.
I’m not choosy…I got a rep to look out for.Lord Finesse, “I Like My Girls With a Boom,” Return of the Funky Man, 1992 -
EPMD in effect, I’m clockin’ mad green
Like Kermit the Frog, sloppy like Boss Hog,
Girl was runnin’ wild…ate her like a corn dog.Parrish Smith, “Chill,” from EPMD’s Business Never Personal, 1992 -
Ayo, the arm bone connected to the hand bone,
Nigga, the hand bone connected to the damn chrome!Sean P, “Don’t You Cross the Line,” from Boot Camp Clik’s The Last Stand, 2006 -
Fuck the car, I do a muthafuckin’ walk-by.
Eazy-E, “The Grand Finale,” from The D.O.C.’s No One Can Do It Better, 1989 -
Slim Shady: Hotter then a set of twin babies
In a Mercedes Benz, with the windows up
When the temp goes up to the mid 80’s.Eminem, “Forgot About Dre,” The Chronic 2001, 1999 -
L is the rebel type, I’m rough as a metal pipe,
Fuck a Benz, cause I can pull skins on a pedal bike.Big L, “Represent,” from Showbiz & A.G.’s Runaway Slave, 1992. Happy Bornday Big L, Rest in Peace. -
I got a funny feeling like something was real wrong…
Looked at her shoes and her feets was real long!
Then it hit me, Oh please God no,
Don’t let this ho turn out to be a John Doe…
He pulled a fast one on me, yo!Fatlip, “Oh Shit,” The Pharcyde, Bizarre Ryde II The Pharcyde, 1993 -
Niggas running around fantasizing like they’re Peter Pan…
Your life’s a scam and I’mma fuck it up like Neverland.MF Grimm, “Fame,” The Hunt for the Gingerbread Man, 2007 -
I make chicks consider themselves widows whose husbands ain’t even died yet.
Chino XL, “How It Goes,” I Told You So, 2001 -
Put this in your CD-ROM:
www dot Canibus dot com.
You can find me on the Internet, talkin’ to chicks
That was sweatin’ me off the ‘Music Makes Me High’ remix.
I be talkin’ mad trash, tryin to get ’em to laugh.
See, if I click and drag long enough I’ll get the ass…Canibus, “Making a Name For Ourselves,” from Common’s One Day It’ll All Make Sense, 1998 -
When I was born, my mama’s pussy had the new car smell.
Royce Da 5’9", “New Money,” Street Hop, 2009 -
And how ‘bout the non-blunt rollin’ females
That always fucks it up ’cause they don’t wanna break their Lee nails?Redman, “How to Roll a Blunt,” Whut, Thee Album?, 1992 -
Shorty, let me tell you about my only vice:
It has to do with lots of lovin’, and it ain’t nuttin’ nice.Q-Tip, “Electric Relaxation,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Marauders, 1993 -
I’m like an eclipse on a Friday the 13th,
With black cats and Haley’s Comet,
Blazin’ blunts in my driveway…Redman, “Cosmic Slop,” Dare Iz a Darkside, 1994 -
Every night I pray to God: ‘Please, no more wack MC’s.’
J-Ro, “Likwit,” from Tha Alkaholiks’ 21 and Over, 1993 -
Shakespeare’s gone, don’t even think about it.
Dr. Octagon, “Blue Flowers,” Dr. Octagonecologyst, 1996 -
Tell ya mama to stop flirtin’ boy, I’m not a good step-pop.
I interrupt your little session…and wreck shop.Bumpy Knuckles, “GrEaTnEsS,” from DJ Premier and Bumpy Knuckles’ KoleXXXion, 2012 -
Look here: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems,” my ass.
You’s a naive cat if you still believe that.Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “Pop Shots,” Osirus: The Official Mixtape, 2006 -
For what it’s worth, I’ve been a hip-hopper from birth.
Try to disrespect, and get your ass played up like a Smurf.Large Professor, “Actual Facts,” from Lord Finesse’s The Awakening, 1996 -
Keep bustin about where you rest, and what you own, and what you drive.
So the day some niggaz come for you, I’m really not surprised.Xzibit, “Three Card Molly,” 40 Dayz & 40 Nightz, 1999 -
I won’t say I’m the baddest, or portray that role,
But I’m in the top 2, and my father’s gettin’ old.Big Daddy Kane, “Cause I Can Do It Right,” Taste of Chocolate, 1990 -
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is;
I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.Guru, “DWYCK,” from Gang Starr featuring Nice & Smooth DWYCK 12", 1994 -
Brothers ain’t half-steppin…they’re walking backwards.
A.G., “Back to Back Rhyming,” from Lord Finesse & DJ Mike Smooth’s Funky Technician, 1990 -
Some girls barely speak, but always askin’ for a dollar.
Big L, “No Endz, No Skinz,” Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous, 1995 -
I call wild niggas together like Cyrus,
And knock off more birds than the West Nile Virus.Freddie Foxxx, “I Come to War,” 12", 2001 -
I admit skinz ain’t a reason to lose friends,
But then again I didn’t know. Sorry.Casual, “I Didn’t Mean To,” Fear Itself, 1994 -
Nigga hit me on the Sidekick sayin’ he gon’ shoot me:
Soundin’ like a real groupie.
He a bitch with a heater like Lara Croft,
He gonna get his ass wet like Noah’s Ark.
Got the choppa won’t hesitate to squeeze,
Get his ass cut like a Whopper with Cheese.Danny Brown, “LOL,” from Black Milk and Danny Brown’s Black and Brown, 2011 -
I like ‘em brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian.
Phife, “Electric Relaxation,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Marauders, 1993 -
Ain’t no tellin’ what I’d do for a dollar…
I’m not your father, but guess what I’mma do to ya mama.Sean P, “Murder,” from DJ JS-1’s No Sellout, 2009 -
I once caught a bid, I never hit skid,
Never date a girl if the girl got a kid.
Nahhh…papa’s got a brand new bag
And I never hit skinz once they sag.Grand Puba, “Who Makes the Loot?” from Brand New Heavies’ Heavy Rhyme Experience Vol. 1, 1992 -
I call you once…you never dialed back.
Twice…you never dialed back.
Saturday morning, live, I’m on Soul Train, talkin’ to Don Cornelius.Saturday night, my phone rings…
Saturday night, I won’t answer.
Saturday night, my phone rings again…
Saturday night, I don’t answer.Kool Keith, “Stop Jockin Me,” from Ultramagnetic MC’s Funk Your Head Up, 1992. Donald Cortez “Don” Cornelius (September 27, 1936 – February 1, 2012) Rest in peace. -
When I hit the skins they all say, ‘Damn Kane…
You knock out the Bush like a presidential campaign!’Big Daddy Kane, “How U Get a Record Deal?” Looks Like a Job For…, 1993 -
I’m from Jerz, the home of: “I could’ve swore I parked my car right here!”
Chino XL, “B-Boy Gangsta,” Poison Pen, 2006 -
You got a man? That’s somethin we will talk about.
He’s smart enough to have ya, but dumb enough to let ya out.LL Cool J, “Mr. Goodbar,” Mama Said Knock You Out, 1990 -
Why is it a honey act like she don’t want to be bothered?
But after the tappin’, she yappin’ like she want her children fathered?Breeze Brewin’, “Sex Type Thang,” from Juggaknots’ Clear Blue Skies (Re-Release), 2002 -
‘That buck that bought the bottle coulda struck the lotto.’
To invest in scratch tickets is a fucked up motto.Reks, “Black Cream (The Negro Epidemic),” Grey Hairs, 2008 -
See, you’re out your mind tryin’ to face tha God.
Your rhyme is like an empty prison…a waste of bars.Lord Finesse, Freestyle vs. Percee P, 2003. Video -
And when it comes to gettin nookie, I’m not a rookie…
I got girls that make that chick Toni Braxton look like Whoopi.Big L, “Put it On,” Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous, 1995 (via ninetynow) -
Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless,
Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace!Ludacris, “Stand Up,” Chicken-N-Beer, 2003 -
Your white tee, well to me, looks like a nightgown;
Make your mama proud, take that thing two sizes down.Andre 3000, “Walk It Out (Remix)”, from Unk’s Beat’n Down Yo Block!, 2006 -
If imitation is the greatest form of flattery,
Punk, don’t flatter me.J-Ro, “Coast II Coast,” from Friday Soundtrack, 1995 -
Layin niggas so flat, homies think you plankin’,
Only realize you dead when the corpse start stankin’.Ras Kass, “Holes in the Ozone,” F.I.L.A. (Fuck It, Lose It All), 2012 -
Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It’s not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC.Phife Dawg, “Oh My God,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Maruaders, 1993 -
It’s important to practice good hygiene,
At least if you wanna run with my team.Del the Funky Homosapien, “If You Must,” Both Sides of the Brain, 2000 -
We shoppers, you bloggers.
If money talks, you mumblers.
You try it on, then take it off,
Then post a pic on your tumblrs.Pusha T, “Peso Freestyle,” Fear Of God II: Let Us Pray, 2011 -
I’m puttin’ pressure on you kids like I’m a soccer mom.
Vinnie Paz, “Design in Malice,” from Jedi Mind Tricks’ Violence Begets Violence, 2011 -
You gotta school these young macks comin’ up today…
I mean to be ‘frank’, they just hot dogs,
The girls are relish, and they need to catchup on they pimpin’.Big Daddy Kane, “Nightshift,” from Positive K’s The Skills Dat Pay Da Bills, 1992 -
And while you was bangin on tables, I was bangin Snow White.
Parrish Smith, “Rampage”, from EPMD’s Business as Usual, 1991 -
Abraham Lincoln got shot and died,
Freed the slaves so they put him on the five.Too $hort, “Money In The Ghetto,” Get In Where You Fit In, 1993 -
You just met me, you won’t let me…
Well if I couldn’t have it, silly rabbit, why you sweating me?2Pac, “I Get Around,” Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z., 1993 -
I got lots of love for my crew, that is;
No love for them other crews and rival kids.
All them out-of-town niggas know what time it is,
And if they don’t? They need to buy a watch, word up.Prodigy, “Just Step,” from Mobb Deep’s The Infamous, 1995. More from Mobb Deep. -
I use a pick in my hair without force.
You use a lawn mower–you got peat moss.Large Professor, “He Got So Much Soul (He Don’t Need No Music),” from Main Source’s Breaking Atoms, 1991 -
Now who done passed you a diaper and got you thinkin’ you the shit?
Mad Skillz, “The Jam,” From Where???, 1996 -
I seen her on the ave, spotted her more than once.
Ass so fat that you could see it from the front…Mos Def, “Ms. Fat Booty,” Black on Both Sides, 1999 -
I smoked with a lot of college students…
Most of em wasn’t graduatin, and they knew it.Redman, “Whateva Man,” Muddy Waters, 1996 -
Run from the police, picture that,
Nigga I’m too fat…
I fuck around and catch a asthma attack.Notorious B.I.G., “Runnin’ (Dying to Live)”, from Tupac Resurrection soundtrack, 2003, RIP Biggie Smalls -
You ask me, “Did I like Arsenio?”
About as much as the Bicentennial.Ice Cube, “The Nigga You Love To Hate,” from AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted, 1990 -
Said she loved my necklace, started relaxin’.
Now that’s what the fuck I call a chain reaction!Jay-Z, “Money Ain’t a Thang,” from Jermaine Dupri’s Life in 1472, 1998 -
I never let the worst things in life get the best of me.
So take these testes and, ummm…open sesame.King Sun, “Humm Deez Nuts,” Strictly Ghetto EP, 1994 -
You’re out of luck like two dogs stuck.
Ghostface Killah, “4th Chamber,” from GZA’s Liquid Swords, 1995 -
I’m on some satanic shit, strictly.
Little kids be wakin up cryin, yellin,
‘Mommy, Big L is comin to get me!’Big L, “Danger Zone,” Lifestylez Ov Da Poor & Dangerous, 1995