Fuck the car, I do a muthafuckin’ walk-by.
Fuck a medic, we gon’ call yo ass a taxi cab,
Bleedin’ so hard you need a life-size maxi pad.
Slim Shady: Hotter then a set of twin babies
In a Mercedes Benz, with the windows up
When the temp goes up to the mid 80’s.
L is the rebel type, I’m rough as a metal pipe,
Fuck a Benz, cause I can pull skins on a pedal bike.
Spam ain’t the move it’s imitation ham.
Ham is pork, and the pork is foul.
Kinda like a pig and that ain’t my style.
I got a funny feeling like something was real wrong…
Looked at her shoes and her feets was real long!
Then it hit me, Oh please God no,
Don’t let this ho turn out to be a John Doe…
He pulled a fast one on me, yo!
Niggas running around fantasizing like they’re Peter Pan…
Your life’s a scam and I’mma fuck it up like Neverland.
I make chicks consider themselves widows whose husbands ain’t even died yet.
Put this in your CD-ROM:
www dot Canibus dot com.
You can find me on the Internet, talkin’ to chicks
That was sweatin’ me off the ‘Music Makes Me High’ remix.
I be talkin’ mad trash, tryin to get ’em to laugh.
See, if I click and drag long enough I’ll get the ass…
When I was born, my mama’s pussy had the new car smell.
And how ‘bout the non-blunt rollin’ females
That always fucks it up ’cause they don’t wanna break their Lee nails?
Shorty, let me tell you about my only vice:
It has to do with lots of lovin’, and it ain’t nuttin’ nice.
I’m like an eclipse on a Friday the 13th,
With black cats and Haley’s Comet,
Blazin’ blunts in my driveway…
Every night I pray to God: ‘Please, no more wack MC’s.’
Shakespeare’s gone, don’t even think about it.
Tell ya mama to stop flirtin’ boy, I’m not a good step-pop.
I interrupt your little session…and wreck shop.
Look here: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems,” my ass.
You’s a naive cat if you still believe that.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been a hip-hopper from birth.
Try to disrespect, and get your ass played up like a Smurf.
Keep bustin about where you rest, and what you own, and what you drive.
So the day some niggaz come for you, I’m really not surprised.
I won’t say I’m the baddest, or portray that role,
But I’m in the top 2, and my father’s gettin’ old.
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is;
I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.
Brothers ain’t half-steppin…they’re walking backwards.
Some girls barely speak, but always askin’ for a dollar.
I admit skinz ain’t a reason to lose friends,
But then again I didn’t know. Sorry.
Nigga hit me on the Sidekick sayin’ he gon’ shoot me:
Soundin’ like a real groupie.
He a bitch with a heater like Lara Croft,
He gonna get his ass wet like Noah’s Ark.
Got the choppa won’t hesitate to squeeze,
Get his ass cut like a Whopper with Cheese.
I like ‘em brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian.
Ain’t no tellin’ what I’d do for a dollar…
I’m not your father, but guess what I’mma do to ya mama.
I once caught a bid, I never hit skid,
Never date a girl if the girl got a kid.
Nahhh…papa’s got a brand new bag
And I never hit skinz once they sag.
I call you once…you never dialed back.
Twice…you never dialed back.
Saturday morning, live, I’m on Soul Train, talkin’ to Don Cornelius.
Saturday night, my phone rings…
Saturday night, I won’t answer.
Saturday night, my phone rings again…
Saturday night, I don’t answer.
When I hit the skins they all say, ‘Damn Kane…
You knock out the Bush like a presidential campaign!’
I’m from Jerz, the home of: “I could’ve swore I parked my car right here!”
You got a man? That’s somethin we will talk about.
He’s smart enough to have ya, but dumb enough to let ya out.
Why is it a honey act like she don’t want to be bothered?
But after the tappin’, she yappin’ like she want her children fathered?
‘That buck that bought the bottle coulda struck the lotto.’
To invest in scratch tickets is a fucked up motto.
I’m the ghetto Mr. Universe, call me Lou FerNEGRO,
I push a lot of iron, but I don’t do it in the gym tho.
Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless,
Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace!
Your white tee, well to me, looks like a nightgown;
Make your mama proud, take that thing two sizes down.
If imitation is the greatest form of flattery,
Punk, don’t flatter me.
Layin niggas so flat, homies think you plankin’,
Only realize you dead when the corpse start stankin’.
Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It’s not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC.
It’s important to practice good hygiene,
At least if you wanna run with my team.
We shoppers, you bloggers.
If money talks, you mumblers.
You try it on, then take it off,
Then post a pic on your tumblrs.
Golly, he’s just a pest and your worst best friend,
Who mend and rip space-time fabric like polyester blend.
I’m puttin’ pressure on you kids like I’m a soccer mom.
Player haters be givin’ me harsh looks,
But I’m tryin to sell records like Garth Brooks.