Shorty, let me tell you about my only vice:
It has to do with lots of lovin’, and it ain’t nuttin’ nice.
Q-Tip, “Electric Relaxation,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Marauders, 1993
Posts Tagged With: humor
I’m like an eclipse on a Friday the 13th,
With black cats and Haley’s Comet,
Blazin’ blunts in my driveway…
Redman, “Cosmic Slop,” Dare Iz a Darkside, 1994
Every night I pray to God: ‘Please, no more wack MC’s.’
J-Ro, “Likwit,” from Tha Alkaholiks’ 21 and Over, 1993
Shakespeare’s gone, don’t even think about it.
Dr. Octagon, “Blue Flowers,” Dr. Octagonecologyst, 1996
Tell ya mama to stop flirtin’ boy, I’m not a good step-pop.
I interrupt your little session…and wreck shop.
Bumpy Knuckles, “GrEaTnEsS,” from DJ Premier and Bumpy Knuckles’ KoleXXXion, 2012
Look here: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems,” my ass.
You’s a naive cat if you still believe that.
Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “Pop Shots,” Osirus: The Official Mixtape, 2006
For what it’s worth, I’ve been a hip-hopper from birth.
Try to disrespect, and get your ass played up like a Smurf.
Large Professor, “Actual Facts,” from Lord Finesse’s The Awakening, 1996
Keep bustin about where you rest, and what you own, and what you drive.
So the day some niggaz come for you, I’m really not surprised.
Xzibit, “Three Card Molly,” 40 Dayz & 40 Nightz, 1999
I won’t say I’m the baddest, or portray that role,
But I’m in the top 2, and my father’s gettin’ old.
Big Daddy Kane, “Cause I Can Do It Right,” Taste of Chocolate, 1990
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is;
I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.
Guru, “DWYCK,” from Gang Starr featuring Nice & Smooth DWYCK 12", 1994
Brothers ain’t half-steppin…they’re walking backwards.
A.G., “Back to Back Rhyming,” from Lord Finesse & DJ Mike Smooth’s Funky Technician, 1990
Some girls barely speak, but always askin’ for a dollar.
Big L, “No Endz, No Skinz,” Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous, 1995
I call wild niggas together like Cyrus,
And knock off more birds than the West Nile Virus.
Freddie Foxxx, “I Come to War,” 12", 2001
I admit skinz ain’t a reason to lose friends,
But then again I didn’t know. Sorry.
Casual, “I Didn’t Mean To,” Fear Itself, 1994
Nigga hit me on the Sidekick sayin’ he gon’ shoot me:
Soundin’ like a real groupie.
He a bitch with a heater like Lara Croft,
He gonna get his ass wet like Noah’s Ark.
Got the choppa won’t hesitate to squeeze,
Get his ass cut like a Whopper with Cheese.
Danny Brown, “LOL,” from Black Milk and Danny Brown’s Black and Brown, 2011
I like ‘em brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian.
Phife, “Electric Relaxation,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Marauders, 1993
Ain’t no tellin’ what I’d do for a dollar…
I’m not your father, but guess what I’mma do to ya mama.
Sean P, “Murder,” from DJ JS-1’s No Sellout, 2009
I once caught a bid, I never hit skid,
Never date a girl if the girl got a kid.
Nahhh…papa’s got a brand new bag
And I never hit skinz once they sag.
Grand Puba, “Who Makes the Loot?” from Brand New Heavies’ Heavy Rhyme Experience Vol. 1, 1992
I call you once…you never dialed back.
Twice…you never dialed back.
Saturday morning, live, I’m on Soul Train, talkin’ to Don Cornelius.Saturday night, my phone rings…
Saturday night, I won’t answer.
Saturday night, my phone rings again…
Saturday night, I don’t answer.
Kool Keith, “Stop Jockin Me,” from Ultramagnetic MC’s Funk Your Head Up, 1992. Donald Cortez “Don” Cornelius (September 27, 1936 – February 1, 2012) Rest in peace.
When I hit the skins they all say, ‘Damn Kane…
You knock out the Bush like a presidential campaign!’
Big Daddy Kane, “How U Get a Record Deal?” Looks Like a Job For…, 1993
I’m from Jerz, the home of: “I could’ve swore I parked my car right here!”
Chino XL, “B-Boy Gangsta,” Poison Pen, 2006
You got a man? That’s somethin we will talk about.
He’s smart enough to have ya, but dumb enough to let ya out.
LL Cool J, “Mr. Goodbar,” Mama Said Knock You Out, 1990
Why is it a honey act like she don’t want to be bothered?
But after the tappin’, she yappin’ like she want her children fathered?
Breeze Brewin’, “Sex Type Thang,” from Juggaknots’ Clear Blue Skies (Re-Release), 2002
‘That buck that bought the bottle coulda struck the lotto.’
To invest in scratch tickets is a fucked up motto.
Reks, “Black Cream (The Negro Epidemic),” Grey Hairs, 2008
See, you’re out your mind tryin’ to face tha God.
Your rhyme is like an empty prison…a waste of bars.
Lord Finesse, Freestyle vs. Percee P, 2003. Video
I’m the ghetto Mr. Universe, call me Lou FerNEGRO,
I push a lot of iron, but I don’t do it in the gym tho.
Lil’ Fame, “Blasphemy (Blast 4 Me)” from M.O.P.’s SPARTA, 2011
And when it comes to gettin nookie, I’m not a rookie…
I got girls that make that chick Toni Braxton look like Whoopi.
Big L, “Put it On,” Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous, 1995 (via ninetynow)
Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless,
Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace!
Ludacris, “Stand Up,” Chicken-N-Beer, 2003
Your white tee, well to me, looks like a nightgown;
Make your mama proud, take that thing two sizes down.
Andre 3000, “Walk It Out (Remix)”, from Unk’s Beat’n Down Yo Block!, 2006
If imitation is the greatest form of flattery,
Punk, don’t flatter me.
J-Ro, “Coast II Coast,” from Friday Soundtrack, 1995
Layin niggas so flat, homies think you plankin’,
Only realize you dead when the corpse start stankin’.
Ras Kass, “Holes in the Ozone,” F.I.L.A. (Fuck It, Lose It All), 2012
Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It’s not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC.
Phife Dawg, “Oh My God,” from A Tribe Called Quest’s Midnight Maruaders, 1993
It’s important to practice good hygiene,
At least if you wanna run with my team.
Del the Funky Homosapien, “If You Must,” Both Sides of the Brain, 2000
We shoppers, you bloggers.
If money talks, you mumblers.
You try it on, then take it off,
Then post a pic on your tumblrs.
Pusha T, “Peso Freestyle,” Fear Of God II: Let Us Pray, 2011
Golly, he’s just a pest and your worst best friend,
Who mend and rip space-time fabric like polyester blend.
MF Doom, “Biochemical Equation,” from Wu-Tang Meets Indie Culture, 2005
I’m puttin’ pressure on you kids like I’m a soccer mom.
Vinnie Paz, “Design in Malice,” from Jedi Mind Tricks’ Violence Begets Violence, 2011
Player haters be givin’ me harsh looks,
But I’m tryin to sell records like Garth Brooks.
Big L, “Holdin’ It Down,” The Big Picture, 2000
You gotta school these young macks comin’ up today…
I mean to be ‘frank’, they just hot dogs,
The girls are relish, and they need to catchup on they pimpin’.
Big Daddy Kane, “Nightshift,” from Positive K’s The Skills Dat Pay Da Bills, 1992
Never been to Sesame Street but I flip a Big Bird.
And I know “stealers” and they not from Pittsburgh…
Cam’Ron, “357,” Confessions of Fire, 1998
And while you was bangin on tables, I was bangin Snow White.
Parrish Smith, “Rampage”, from EPMD’s Business as Usual, 1991
Abraham Lincoln got shot and died,
Freed the slaves so they put him on the five.
Too $hort, “Money In The Ghetto,” Get In Where You Fit In, 1993
You just met me, you won’t let me…
Well if I couldn’t have it, silly rabbit, why you sweating me?
2Pac, “I Get Around,” Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z., 1993
I got lots of love for my crew, that is;
No love for them other crews and rival kids.
All them out-of-town niggas know what time it is,
And if they don’t? They need to buy a watch, word up.
Prodigy, “Just Step,” from Mobb Deep’s The Infamous, 1995. More from Mobb Deep.
I use a pick in my hair without force.
You use a lawn mower–you got peat moss.
Large Professor, “He Got So Much Soul (He Don’t Need No Music),” from Main Source’s Breaking Atoms, 1991
Now who done passed you a diaper and got you thinkin’ you the shit?
Mad Skillz, “The Jam,” From Where???, 1996
I seen her on the ave, spotted her more than once.
Ass so fat that you could see it from the front…
Mos Def, “Ms. Fat Booty,” Black on Both Sides, 1999
I smoked with a lot of college students…
Most of em wasn’t graduatin, and they knew it.
Redman, “Whateva Man,” Muddy Waters, 1996
Run from the police, picture that,
Nigga I’m too fat…
I fuck around and catch a asthma attack.
Notorious B.I.G., “Runnin’ (Dying to Live)”, from Tupac Resurrection soundtrack, 2003, RIP Biggie Smalls
You ask me, “Did I like Arsenio?”
About as much as the Bicentennial.
Ice Cube, “The Nigga You Love To Hate,” from AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted, 1990
Said she loved my necklace, started relaxin’.
Now that’s what the fuck I call a chain reaction!
Jay-Z, “Money Ain’t a Thang,” from Jermaine Dupri’s Life in 1472, 1998